by Christy Nisbeth, Sullivan, Gideon, Perkins, Moss
It was fall of 1964, Sharon Wikle-Nisbeth, my biological mother, is 16 years old, and has a baby on the way. Her older sister got married at 14, so Sharon felt she could follow in her footsteps and jump at the chance for her freedom too; To get out of the house and live her life her way. Sadly, instead of her dreams coming true, Sharon made her way to a home for unwed mothers while her husband rotted in prison, and she waited..July 29, 1965, baby girl Nisbeth entered the world, 7 pounds and some ounces. This is where my story begins…
At my foster home, as time went on, I was growing and and at 2 , I was a “Momma’s Girl”. All was well with the world, but I didn’t know that my ‘world’ as I knew it, would soon be shattered.
They called me “Big Girl” and when asked, I didn’t even know my given name. I’m sure it was their way of helping me to adjust to a new name when I would eventually get adopted. Maybe it was a way for my foster parents to keep me at arms-length to prepare emotionally for such a time when the social workers would come and take me away, like they did with all the wards of the state.
This is a picture of me, with Malen and Jane Sullivan. My new parents.
I was an only child until I was six years old. The social workers felt that I was a stubborn child and needed “extra” attention to mold me into an obedient child so they placed me with young “well-to-do” farmers, south of Pittsburg KS, who were still grieving the loss of their only infant son.
This next pic is me right after my first Christmas on the farm.
In first grade, my teacher asked me how I liked being a big sister. This was the first I had heard of it! I really didn’t know what to think about it really. What is a big sister anyhow? I soon found out though. It meant that the Sullivan’s received a baby boy; their heart’s desire. For years after this new baby entered the picture, I would periodically ask my parents for a sister. A sister was what I wanted so badly. If they get to pick out a baby why couldn’t I get to as well ?
I grew up in a very old-fashioned farm family where girls are to marry a farm boy and the farm boy grows up to marry the farmer’s daughter and take over the family farm. I never really fit in with their way of thinking. I was more of the intellectual type. I was always thirsting for knowledge and did not want to marry for the sake of producing future male farmers/heirs. My parents paraded many potential mates across my path, in the guise of buying grain from my dad or borrowing some implement, to catch my eye but none did. Unbeknownst to me, they were hoping that someone would interest me enough to get me married off, just like my other female cousins did. I was an old maid at the age of 21 and having been to college, I was ready to make that move to womanhood. I had a long time boyfriend, Rob, but he was a mamma’s boy and was not the marrying type, so I did one of the most stupid things in my life…I married a guy I had only known for 3 weeks. You can imagine how that went. I was young and stupid and had my first kid 9 months and 9 days after we eloped.
I was hot stuff and didn’t even know it !
My parents made me feel like I was ugly and was too much of a problem for any man to handle so I gave up finding a soul-mate and ended up with a 10 minute marriage. I didn’t really know what I was doing. During my divorce, who was it that came into my life again? My best friend all thru college…Stuart Perkins.
We promptly married and moved to TX and we had 2 more kids. Now we are a family of 5. Nichole, Aaron, and Holly.
I felt like I did the best I could do. I made my own family! Something that I didn’t think I could ever really have. But, something was missing. I had known my mother and her family since I was 17 years old, but I never really got along with her. The desire to know who I was and where I came from was not satisfied. I really wanted to know my father’s side of the family. Trying to get to know them was very difficult. Because he was in prison most of his life, no one knew him, no siblings talked about him and my cousins never knew him nor did anyone know about his kids as all of them had been whisked away by their mothers and were all adopted by loving step fathers. I was losing an uphill battle. I really wanted medical info as well. I had some info from my mother but I was not like her at all. She was a stranger and we never really got along. Her lifestyle was so different from my conservative up-bringing. I needed my questions answered; it felt like an itch I could never scratch.
Then DNA became affordable. Why not bite the bullet? I was scared of what I might find, and scared of the “not knowing”, so I sent in my spit and 6 weeks later, I knew who all my family on my mother’s side were who also sent in samples. I had things confirmed and I had even more questions. Why didn’t I match my known niece and nephews that were the grandkids of my father Larry? Could Larry not be my father? Who is this Kimberly that I match 25% of my DNA with? I had to know. She has to be my sister.
I gathered the gumption to contact a professional DNA researcher. She quickly found out who these people were on my father’s side, compiled a family tree and gave me the name of my real, biological father….DANIEL MOSS.
Finally a name. Who I came from. Do I look like him? He looks tall in the only pic of him I found on Kim’s Facebook page. Wow, I think I look like him! I can see that I have traits of my mother but I always felt I took more after my dad, whoever he is. And the best part? I don’t take after Larry Nisbeth! A man who was given a life sentence for liking kids too much. Maybe that’s not the best part but it IS A relief for my mental health.
Now what? I have a family! They don’t even know about me. Sadly, I’m so scared they will reject ever wanting to know me. I am a part of a man that they are also a part of . Someone that would love to have them as only a blood family can have. I know, I joined a club that I was born into and I have never been around to reap the benefits of a real family but I cant help that. I can’t change the past, only the future. I’m scared that I am only here because 2 young, lonely people just wanted to share a few moments together, and never considered the future or consequences of their actions.
Regardless of the past (I am not judging anyone), I am here. I moved all over the country with my family, but I always wanted to come back to Kansas as it’s home. My daughter, Nichole, informed me she was pregnant and I was over the moon but I had a problem. I never wanted to be a Christmas card and phone call kind of Nanna. I wanted to give my grandkids what I had growing up. I wanted my family close to me. Family means *everything* to me. So when my mother informed me she had cancer, I moved up my plans to move home. We bought a used mobile home and stuck it on the corner of the south 80 and proceeded to start our homestead. My husband is very handy and wanted to build our home himself. It’s not finished but everything is paid for and we are proud of that. Our daughters live near by and they also are married and live in their homes debt free as well. I always have taught my kids to be responsible and not live in debt. My son lives in Texas still.
A few years ago, Nic came down with a deadly liver infection. She almost died. The doctors could never really pin point what her illness was and told Nic that a family medical history would help them pin point the problem. We really didn’t know what to tell them. They thought it was some sort of auto-immune disease but her symptoms didn’t really fit any known diseases. They have taken so much money just to keep her alive. She can’t work. She is too sick to think about it. It’s a constant struggle. At age 26, she was given 3 months to live. She’s now almost 34, but it has taken a lot to get here.
I was curious about Kimberly Walton. Maybe her Facebook page would give me some answers. I was so happy to see her go fund me page! Not because she was sick but because I saw she had lupus and now I had some answers to give my daughter! I called Nic. She cried because she felt she could let her doctors finally know of my sister’s illness and have a bit of family medical info. Her doctors are now confident that she does have lupus and they are trying to get her to go in remission as we speak! This leads me to my next concern.
When would be a good time to make contact with this family that probably knows nothing of a younger sister? What do I say to them? They have their own struggles in life and maybe they don’t want a stranger in their mix. I am petrified. How will they react? I had to be gentle and kind and creative in how I approach them. I can’t handle rejection and I asked my DNA detective how should I proceed? It’s best to take care of my own business and not depend on a third party to make contact even though my friends offered to make the call for me. I can’t be a weeny though. How do I break the ice?
Awwww I know, flowers! Who can resist a beautiful bouquet of Kansas sunflowers? I am so glad you liked them!!! I gotta say, California prices are so much higher than Kansas lol.
Lastly, where do we go from here? I have done all I can do to make the impact of knowing about me as gentle and kind as possible. If you are reading this, you know I had my husband make me this website, so I don’t put you on the spot and I will leave contact with me at your discretion.
Please email me! perkins.christy@gmail.com.